Introduction: Confronting Alcohol Addiction and Personal Pain

There was a time when I felt completely lost, grappling with alcohol addiction that permeated every aspect of my life—physically, emotionally, and mentally. The death of my mother, to whom I was incredibly close, struck me profoundly. Rather than allowing myself to grieve, I threw myself into work and sought escape through weekend drinking. What began as a temporary reprieve quickly evolved into a daily habit. Alcohol became my only solace, helping me momentarily forget the harsh reality I faced.

Navigating profound loss often brings deep emotional turmoil, leading many down perilous paths. For me, the death of my mother and another close friend triggered complex feelings of grief, anger, and confusion. Lacking healthy coping mechanisms, I resorted to alcohol to numb the pain, setting the stage for further struggles. As a single mother of three, I faced everyday challenges, and my children witnessed my self-destruction. Drinking seemed like a way to express my emotions, but it led to frequent arguments and fights, escalating into a dependency that haunted me.

The Catalyst: How Grief Triggered My Alcohol Addiction

The impact of grief and unresolved pain cannot be understated. My children, including two adults and a teenager, observed my downward spiral, which deepened my sense of guilt and despair. The allure of alcohol became a habitual escape, with triggers such as anniversaries or ordinary days evoking haunting memories and prompting me to drink more. My addiction wasn’t just about substance dependence; it was also about avoiding the deep-seated emotional wounds that remained unaddressed.

Turning Point: Recognizing the Need for Change

My battle with alcohol addiction was not new. In my 20s, I managed to stop drinking for five years, only consuming alcohol on rare occasions. This period marked a significant personal achievement—I returned to high school after dropping out due to personal challenges and earned my diploma. My children became my motivation to create a better life. Holding that diploma filled me with immense pride and a renewed sense of purpose. However, stress and unresolved pain from my past eventually chipped away at my stability, leading to a relapse.

Admitting that I needed help was a significant hurdle. I had always been skeptical about therapy and support. I believed I could stop drinking on my own, but the truth was that I was drowning in pain. The COVID-19 lockdowns worsened my addiction, turning occasional drinking into a nightly escape. This realization was pivotal, making me confront not just the substance but also the emotional pain I was avoiding.

Seeking Help: Embracing Therapy and Support

After a particularly rough night, I woke up to find my children quietly watching TV, and it hit me hard. I couldn’t continue like this, destroying myself and affecting them. I reached out to a local support clinic, which directed me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist offered Naltrexone, a medication to help with cravings. Despite understanding its benefits, I hesitated to rely on medication, wanting to face my addiction mentally.

My psychiatrist also introduced me to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which became transformative. DBT equipped me with essential skills like mindfulness meditation and distress tolerance. These tools became crucial in managing my emotions and cravings. Although I was initially reluctant, DBT empowered me to regain control over my feelings and confront my addiction head-on.

Challenges of Recovery: Overcoming Obstacles and Building New Habits

The initial stages of recovery were incredibly challenging. Restless nights and racing thoughts were common. I experienced intense anxiety and moments of dissociation. The urges to drink were overwhelming at times, but I was determined to reach three months without relapsing. Removing myself from environments with alcohol was essential. I distanced myself from social settings where drinking was present to prioritize my healing.

Creating new, healthy habits became crucial. Daily meditation and journaling helped me manage anxiety and process my feelings. The journey of recovery involved not only abstaining from alcohol but also addressing the underlying fears and insecurities driving my addiction. Slowly, I began to see positive changes, celebrating small victories and remaining committed to my recovery.

Life After Addiction: Embracing Transformation

Life after addiction has been a journey of rebuilding and rediscovery. DBT and additional therapies like vivo exposure have helped me create a solid foundation for recovery. I also began seeking inspiration from well-known speakers and thinkers, immersing myself in lectures and podcasts from people like Joe Dispenza, Abraham Hicks, Dale Carnegie, Neville Goddard, Lewis Howes, Jordan Peterson and Dolores Cannon. Their teachings have empowered me to tap into the power of my mind, helping me see the profound connection between thought and reality. Understanding how to align my energy with the life I wanted to create was a game changer. I complemented this with transformative books like The Power of Discipline, Psycho-Cybernetics, and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Each of these resources became a pillar of my recovery, guiding me not just to stay sober but to truly thrive in every aspect of my life. Recovery is about progress, not perfection. I’ve learned to appreciate the small victories and stay committed to my goals.

Conclusion: Finding Strength and Hope in Recovery

Today, I am grateful for every step of my journey, from the darkest moments to the triumphs of recovery. My story is one of resilience, transformation, and the belief that recovery is possible. If you’re struggling with addiction or mental health issues, know that you’re not alone. There are resources and support systems available to help you through this challenging time. Recovery is a personal journey filled with the potential for profound growth and transformation. Embrace the process, stay committed, and remember that every step forward is a victory.